I, I, I, I.... I'm sick of me.

If 83% of the population of Zimbabwe lives on less than $2 a day, why is that I want to complain about having to miss a meal?

If the kids right here in Terre Haute are abused, live with multiple siblings that all have different dads, and have dirty feet, why do I even want to complain about the "injustice" (I'm SUCH a MARTYR, ya know?) that I go through, when the problems aren't even that big?

I really don't have it so bad. I really don't. In light of the world and its problems, my problems really don't seem that big.

I think I'm undergoing a paradigm shift. I'm learning (ironic because I say "I," "I," "I")--God is changing the way I see things, to take my eyes off of myself. I have a bad habit of filtering everything through what I think, and what I see, and from where I stand. It's like when I learned to play Euchre or Spades. When I play, I filter the game through my hand. But I know people who can see their hand, step back and move past it to see the whole picture, formulating who has what cards, who will play what, etc. I think we have to be able to do the same thing spiritually.

For example, in the last six months God has been starting to open my eyes to the Church, not just my church, or even just me in the church. I am a small part of something so much bigger: the Body of Christ. Like I said, I have a bad habit of filtering everything through Teresa's eyes, my physical eyes, instead of looking through God's eyes--the spiritual eyes. I'll admit it, sometimes I base church services on merely what I get out of it, instead of rejoicing that people were saved and lives were changed, which means that in fact it could be a great service, and the presence of God was there, but I don't think so in my mind because I was only looking at myself. It really sucks... it means that I'm only operating in the flesh.

Through reading Romans out of The Message translation, I am finding that I really didn't know what salvation was, the implication of Christ's death on the cross. I was really trying to obtain salvation on my own. But God opened my eyes:

"What we've learned is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We've finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with god and all others by letting Him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade." Romans 3:27-28 The Message

I think I'm starting to understand it. Praise God!

Paradigm shifts can be dangerous. A good dangerous, though quite uncomfortable at times. I'm starting to outgrow my spiritual "clothes," if ya know what I mean... shoes are getting a little tighter, the hole in my shirt is hard to pull over my head...

"When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good." -- 1 Corinthians 13:11 The Message

"I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one--baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food isfor the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.
"So come on, let's leave the preschool fingerpainting exercises on Christ and get on with the grand work of art. Grow up in Christ. The basic foundational truths are in place: turning your back on 'salvation by self-help' and turning in trust toward God; baptismal instructions; laying on of hands; resurrection of the dead; eternal judgment. God helping us, we'll stay true to all of that. But there's so much more. Let's get on with it!" -- Hebrews 5:11-6:3 The Message