Moving forward...

Well, it's been quite a time in the Lord lately, and I can sense His movement in my life more now than I have all summer. I have been fighting and fighting with Him on some things, but the more I obey His prodding, the more secure I am in Him.

After that service two and a half weeks ago, with the conclusion of the Bait of Satan series, God has been helping me leave some things behind. If you are my friend on Facebook, you might have noticed that, well... I am not on there anymore. I found that I have been holding on to some stuff, trying to find fulfillment in other things. I was spending so much time on it, and other people may not have a problem, but when I grab a hold of something, I HOLD ON TO IT FOR DEAR LIFE. And I just don't wanna let go. So... I have been fighting with God for a month about it, but I finally got tired of fighting, and hopped off. Something about that, "WE'RE NOT BUDGING UNLESS YOU MOVE, GOD," kind of thing. God never told me to get back on. I did because I wanted to. Boy, if I've ever heard "selfish," that's exactly it. I was being completely "self-ish." I was told yesterday morning in service that you can't just do something and ask God to bless it (that's what I was doing). But when you follow Him and do what He asks of you, the blessing is automatically there. And as much as God touched me yesterday, and I didn't obey Him, well, that would have been a mess.

My desire to know Him more is growing, and I feel Him bringing me back to life.

There are other things, like His will for my life, that I'm fighting Him on... but, well, I talked with a friend the other day, and she had said something to the affect that when we seek out His will for our life, we lose focus of seeking Him.

On Wednesday night, we had a missionary speaker come, and his message was about moving on and leaving some things and people behind.

Dr. Caldwell's AM message, (7-6-08), had a random interjection about moving on and leaving some things and people behind (though I know it wasn't random, but to some other person, it might have been like, Where did that come from?).

One of my adopted moms said to me after the missionary's message that I'm trying to grab control of my life instead of letting God work and move through me... just let go and let God, as they say!! Holding on to things...

Glancing through some of the notes from Pastor Taylor's recent sermons:

Zechariah 4:4-5 (MSG) "The Messenger-Angel said, 'Can't you tell?' 'No, sir,' I said. Then he said, 'This is God's message to Zerubbabel: "You can't force these things. They only come about through my Spirit..." ' " (7/20/08)

Don't allow the opportunities to settle down along the way to hinder your progress, but by faith, proceed with God and watch Him remove the barriers. (7/13/08)

Everywhere... popping out, MOVE FORWARD. So I'm in a season of preparation for moving forward.

This last Sunday night, God has taken it upon Himself to remind me, as my spiritual mother says, that I can do this voluntarily or involuntarily (Jeremiah 1:5-10). No escaping it. I also received the message to KNOW WHO YOU ARE BEFORE YOU MOVE FORWARD.

And the paragraph from one of the studies I'm participating in, Created to Be God's Friend by author Henry Blackaby (Experiencing God):

Like Abram, I "went out, not knowing" anything of God's particulars. I only knew conclusively that I was His and He was mine as Lord of all. Questioning the relationship has never been an issue. He has revealed His direction for my life one day at a time. Like Abram, I can now look back and see how God's Hand and Presence faithfully guided, protected, and provided for me. God's pattern and purpose are much clearer today than ever before. Each step with God was a huge moment of faith, and continues to be so to this very day.

OKAY, GOD, that not knowing thing? Well, that kinda freaks me out.

I guess I could ask for a road map, and then God would smartly reply, "Well, hey, it's sitting right next to you on the desk."

It's kind of annoying when He does that, ya know? (Can I be real and say that?)

This not knowing thing and giving up control and submitting, would you dare to call it, kind of rubs me the wrong way. But I think it's supposed to. That's the flesh vs. spirit battle.

It's a walk of faith, I guess.

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In looking back, I guess I kind of want to say that I'm glad the relationship with the guy didn't work out. My focus would be completely different right now. He's not a bad person... in fact, I still think he's a pretty amazing guy (to which he would strongly oppose, in some respects, I think...). So, while I still have to pray for him and his future wife, because God specifically told me that that is how I would be healed, confirmed through the Bait of Satan series... God showed me that for quite some time after the incident that I believed God is withholding something from me, that He is keeping me from a blessing... LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL. The Bible says that He withholds nothing good from those whose walk is blameless (Psalms 84:11; and that would be me in Christ, thank ya).

SO, I will start praying for whoever it is that God has out there for me. And he better be freakin' amazing, if it's not this other guy. For real, God. This better be worth it (I hope that you don't mind if I talk to God like that, but that's how I talk to Him sometimes).

Sometimes I still don't understand, but God knows.