Sorry if the last post was kind of depressing. Social commentary, I guess.
Anyway, since I've been getting into my methods courses, I'm finding out just how much I want to teach... I'm taking Choral Conducting this semester. I've been saying to myself, and others, that the only thing that keeps me from really wanting to direct a choir is, well, conducting. And now that I'm learning about it and getting better, relatively speaking since the beginning of the semester... well... I kind of really want to teach.
It's really confusing, though. What happened at Urbana then? I feel like I'm in a hard spot. And worse, the more I focus on it, the farther I feel that I lose my focus on God.
On top of that, I'm kind of afraid that I'm wanting to do it for the wrong reasons. Several professors and a former high school choir teacher are all really encouraging me. They have the utmost confidence in "my ability" (sometimes I can fail to recognize that I can only do things because of Christ). So... do I want to do this because some people that I really look up to say that I can? After all, Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
SO confused.
But I REALLY want to do it.
Jesus, please help me.
I've been so back and forth about it for the last two and a half years, ever since I came to college, and I feel like I have no focus. If I'm a choral ed major, shouldn't I be focusing on preparing to be a teacher anyway? And if I'm not doing this to be a teacher, I want to change my major or transfer or something so I'm focusing on preparing for whatever it is that God wants me to do. I HATE doing things that don't have a purpose and God knows that. Why would I spend five years learning how to be a teacher and not use it?
Frustrated.
11 years ago
1 comment:
E totally know what you're talking about. It can be so frustrating when you're learning something and you're not sure why you have to learn it. And then, in your frustration you start to question why you're at school at all and if there might be something else you should be doing with your time. And then it's hard cuz you feel like you HAVE to practice and have to take these classes and because you're practicing all the time, there's no time to do the things (out side of school) that you feel God wants you to do. Or at least, that's how I've been feeling lately.
And feeling like you might be wasting your time, or doing something that doesn't have purpose in it is even worse. But surely God has a plan and knows what he's doing and what he's taking you through and where he's leading you, right?
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